I don’t know about you, but recently I find myself collecting types of anxiety as if they were trading cards.
Climate anxiety—check.
Covid anxiety—check.
Social anxiety—welcome to the stack.
Pre-pandemic I would have only been able to name what I would describe as mild food anxiety. Different from the severity of disordered eating, I started letting fear accompany me to eating occasions around the time of my prepubescent years. At this point, I started worrying about my changing body and becoming more aware of my own ability to influence the future. As I grew into my own, I absorbed a lot of messaging about individualized diets and allowed them to shape my initial relationship to food.
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For me personally, this resulted in restrictive eating habits that lasted throughout puberty. However, we can set foundations for all sorts of less-than-ideal eating patterns anytime we seek to create order out of chaos.
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” – Kahlil Gibran
I have dedicated years of my life to learning better ways of eating, cooking, and being in an intentional relationship with food. This work has given me practice noticing my unease and given me tools for mitigating how I respond to situations. However, no amount of self-development or study makes me immune to being triggered as the holiday season disrupts my—re-adjusted— routine.
If this is something you are experiencing dear reader, I hope you find solace in knowing you aren’t alone in feeling uneasy at this time. I am right there with you my friend. While I don’t believe in one size fits all advice, I want to share with you three strategies I am utilizing to manage my food anxiety this season.
1) Increase the Self-Care or Self-Love Regimen
While I acknowledge that gifts can be a way of receiving love, I encourage you to be cautious of the commercialization of this practice. If it is what you need, by all means, treat yourself! But when thinking about the holidays and self-care, I lean toward the less sexy containers for processing strong emotions or regulating our nervous system. I think this is particularly important if we anticipate events where we might experience a relation between sets of anxiety and/or depression. For example, a large family gathering can offer both hyper-focus on food and an abnormal increase in social activity.
To prepare, make a list of your favorite emotion regulation tools or practices. Star the ones you want to do in December, and circle ones that you can take with you in social situations.
Consider organizing these strategies under the headings of the 5 love languages: affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. My list included creative practice, exercise, vitamins or herbal tinctures, affirmations, therapy, dog snuggles, unplugged days, and scratch cooking.
2) Set Boundaries Ahead of Time
Food is so much more than food. Over the holidays we indulge in family tradition, show love by cooking or eating, and have many conversations about food. If you are someone who has been working on your eating habits in any capacity, comments from family or friends can strike chords within us. Often the comment is motivated by pure curiosity, or a desire to create a sense of comradery as we all navigate social pressures to undereat and/or overeat. That doesn’t mean these inquiries don’t inadvertently trigger the recipient.
One way to prepare for these comments is to set your own boundaries ahead of time on what you are willing to talk about and what you aren’t. Write them down and tuck them away. You might consider a direct approach by telling the commenter that you don’t want to discuss your body or diet. You may also choose to redirect the conversation entirely, reframe the question to make the topic more comfortable, or excuse yourself for a glass of water.
It is okay to take dessert to-go. It is okay to enjoy the pleasure of pie with family.
You are allowed to change your mind and modify your boundaries, but they are easier to uphold if you get clear on what these are prior to entering a situation. I echo this same sentiment when it comes to COVID protocols. Getting clear on your boundaries makes it easier to assess the situation, make a decision, and reduce anxiety.
3) Strategize but Avoid Perfectionist Thinking
I am a big supporter of intention setting and strategy when it comes to eating. In my experience, it helps clear noise out of our brains so we can enjoy food more readily. Strategizing in conjunction with boundaries can be a great tool for implementing self-care and prioritizing joy during the holidays.
A strategy may be applied to the holiday menu itself by meal planning for the week or planning for modifications to old comfort food recipes. The first time I made green bean casserole from scratch I lost my mind! Omitting the traditional condensed soup in favor of good mushrooms and Julia Child’s simple bechamel sauce. I had fun learning and my belly enjoyed higher quality ingredients.
Predominant diet culture encourages us to engage in eating with an all-or-nothing attitude. Either we restrict calories, try to follow plans perfectly, or we “cheat” and indulge beyond our comfort. These may seem like vastly different problems, but I would argue that they are all sides of the same coin. A coin that keeps us focused on getting it right, or throwing out the plan until tomorrow, or after the new year…
If perfection is always on the horizon, we can’t be in the moment and truly absorb the pleasure that is to be had in mashed potatoes and homemade gravy.
Know what is in your realm of control, and chart out how you might engage in self-care or maintain boundaries so that you can more easily return to your typical eating routine.
If you need support in this please consider my upcoming Empowered Meal Planning Course. Alternatively, you may let someone in your support system know that you could use a little extra love and attention this holiday.
May you be well. May your holiday season bring comfort, joy, and plenty of tasty food.